Pandemic Baby
Thought I would keep it spooky on this Halloween week and talk about having a baby during a pandemic because I don’t think there is anything much freakier than that. Where my pandemic mama’s at?? This is something y’all have messaged me about a lot and of course I am absolutely no expert but I am happy to share my experience. And let me tell you it certainly was an experience being pregnant and having a baby during COVID-19. I have heard a lot of people saying how they felt sorry for first time moms and how unfair it is that this is how they have to bring their baby into the world. Firstly I want to address that it is hard for any mom to have a baby during the pandemic but secondly, and I think more importantly, do not feel sorry for someone having a baby ever. Regardless of the state of the world some women would do anything to have a baby, even during a pandemic, so I don’t think we should take it lightly as new mothers that we were still given a gift. It might have been a challenge and not the way we imagined but it was still a gift.
Now despite being so grateful I have been able to have two healthy babies I have to say this time definitely threw me for a loop. I was already quite concerned about the fact Beau had been a premie, and the complications I had with that. Now throw in a global pandemic right around the half way mark and my anxiety level was at an all time high. I think the weirdest part for me was having to do everything alone. My first pregnancy Chris was there for every appointment, ultrasound, anything to do with baby he was there (including the weigh ins which I could have done without, am I right ladies? LOL). Anyways, this time he was not allowed to be there. He couldn’t come in. He couldn’t hear the heartbeat. He couldn’t see our little buddy moving around. None of it. I was constantly in fear of getting bad news and being alone. What would that look like? Would I be okay if I was alone? Thankfully I didn’t have to find out what I would do if something went wrong alone but all the same the anxiety was there.
As time went on I realized this was not going away. When everything locked down in March I felt like my due date was so far away and initially I wasn’t really concerned. I mean it was going to all be over well before I was due, right? WRONG. So, so wrong. It felt surreal as my due date loomed closer and everything was still locked down and our lives as we knew it were completely turned upside down. Our friends and family wouldn’t be able to come and meet Watty. We wouldn’t be welcoming him to the world with everyone we loved. The worst for me was the thought and reality that Beau would not meet his brother at the hospital as I had always imagined. I pictured cuddling both my babies on the hospital bed surrounded by family and friends as these two brothers met for the first time. None of this happened. Honestly still to this day I get a little teary-eyed thinking about all of that. There is nothing I can do to change it but it does still hurt my mama heart to think about.
Going to the hospital for my scheduled c-section at 5am I am was nervous. I was anxious. I was crying leaving my other baby behind. I was a ball of emotions and I just did not know what to expect. Once we arrived at the hospital and passed our Covid screening test we were whisked into our room and I have to say there was a nice sense of calm and quiet in the hospital so early in the morning. The nurses were so friendly and understanding. I think there is something to be said for the fact we are all in this together. Like, literally, every single person on some level understands this is not the situation any of us wanted to be in. I’m not going to get into details about the birth, we’ll save that for another post. We were in and out of the hospital within 24 hours. A wild difference from the last time for me but honestly I could not have been more grateful. My heart was actually hurting from missing Beau and I was so happy I was able to leave (even after major surgery). I got to be home with my two (well three) boys and just soak up the magic of just us, no one else.
I think right now I am still navigating this whole parenting during a pandemic thing. Not only did we go from having one babe to two but we did it all during a global pandemic. That is no small feat. There are many days right now that seem to blur together and I have said many times it feels like groundhog day. But I am very grateful to have two, healthy, happy, crazy, cute, babes at home, safe with me. The world is a wild place right now and I hate to say I don’t see it changing much in the next little bit. I am mentally preparing to hunker down this winter and enjoy these beautiful humans I made. Like dude, I made them. Myself. Well with a tiny bit of help from Chris, but that barely counts. I’ve taken away a special appreciation for spending time with your family during all of this and that to be has been invaluable. Work doesn’t hold the same importance (although it is still a close second), we have been forced to slow down. As hard as it all may be I have cherished these slower days with my family.
Sending so much love to all the mamas who have recently had babies or to the pregnant mamas that are about to have them. This is not easy. This is not for the faint of heart. But that is motherhood isn’t it? You’ve got this mama.
xo
