Scottie Turns One
I am not sure anything can prepare you for your last baby’s first birthday. I know this may sound silly but when you know for sure this is the last one (unless a miracle whoopsie baby happens LOL), there is something different about all the last firsts. The first time they do anything just hits a little different. It is not better or more special than any of your other children it is just different. I am absolutely sure we do not want anymore children, I feel completely content with that decision but at the same time I feel so much sadness as her birthday is approaching this week. I always get emotional at birthdays but this is different. Where did the last year go? I feel like everything just happened so fast. I was trying so desperately to hold on to every minute of her being tiny, and I think I did that well, but, HOW ARE WE ALREADY HERE?
The last year has been one of the most healing years of my life. That might not be how you’d expect to feel with three kids all two years apart but I’ve found this rhythm in motherhood. It has given me a confidence in who I am, not only as a mom but as a person. Have there been tough moments? Of course! Moments where I was questioning everything? All the time. But there has been this absolute peace within me that I know we are creating a beautiful life that we are going to look back on in 20, 30, 40, 50, years and be so unbelievably proud. The year has gone faster than I could have ever imagined. I would honestly give anything to have one more newborn snuggle with all three of my babies. It is this bittersweet experience watching them get bigger and more independent. Knowing that a day will come where they don’t need me the same way they do right now. It breaks my heart into a million pieces. I am crying even writing this lol. I guess what I am trying to say is as fast as all of this is going I am living for the slow moments. The every day moments. The family vacations. The late night snuggles. The sloppy kisses. All of it. I am painfully aware of how fast it all changes and I am humbled by motherhood in a way I never knew I could be.
Scottie will be one Wednesday. She has been the easiest, sweetest, most relaxed baby I could have ever imagined. She smiles 24 hours a day. She loves her brothers and they love her. Like way too much, this girl is in trouble down the line. She is curious and smart and just an absolute light. Having a little girl has given me so much perspective on what I want to instil and share with my children. I want to be kind to myself because I want her to be kind to herself. I want her to find worth outside of her appearance. I want her to find strength in who she is, not who other people want her to be. I want to raise all three of these gorgeous babies to be compassionate but firm. To know their worth above everything else. To make sure they stand up for what they know is right but at the same time be allowed the grace to make mistakes. I want them to know they are unconditionally loved. I know I have to model all of this within myself and my decisions. I want to make sure I am, as they say, practicing what I preach.
I could go on and on about how amazing this year was, because it truthfully transformed and completed our family. Scottie was the perfect final piece to the beautiful life we are creating. I don’t for one second take any of this for granted. If you read any of my blogs from last year I might have discussed the stresses we faced prior to Scottie being born. Beau being at Sick Kids, me being hospitalized quite a few times during my pregnancy, along with some insanity at one of my businesses. When you are in these tough life moments it is so hard to see the light but Scottie was the light. I want to end of this cathartic little post with the 12 things I have learned this year as a mother of three (12 because 12 months of Scoots, obviously).
Ask for help. I will forever struggle with this and always have to make it an intentional action but for real, ask for help. If you need it. In any way. Ask for it. That is what your people are there for.
The big things matter. The little things don’t. There is nothing quite like having your world rocked 2 weeks before having a baby that makes you truly understand all the cliche don’t sweat the small stuff. But seriously don’t. Let it go. I promise you will enjoy your life WAY more when you do.
Don’t ever compromise what you want postpartum. This was my third baby. I still made decisions in early postpartum that were for other people and not for myself. However, I was a little more intentional with how we planned our early days. I made sure that I prioritized my own time with my children over everyone else’s. Some people’s feelings were hurt and tbh I would go back and do the exact same thing, and more. If you are a new mom or mom to be, you are number one. No one else. Read that again. YOU are number one.
Breastfeeding is hard. Scottie and I struggled with this and ultimately our experience was not the one I hoped for. I pumped for 5 months before conceding to the situation and just doing what was best for both of us. It was really, really hard. I had challenging experiences with both boys but was able to feed them both for a year. I never imagined this wouldn’t be the case for my third baby. Looking back it is still something I find hard to accept. It felt like a failure. But please note I know it was not. If you are struggling with this, you are not alone, and whatever you are doing, you’re doing great.
Buy new clothes. Easy for me to say I know. I have a clothing store. But this isn’t a joke. If you don’t feel good in your pre baby clothes, or things aren’t the right size or aren’t working for you, get new clothes. Do not try and fit your body into the clothes, fit the clothes to your body.
Be present. Be present in your life. Be present with your family. Be present with your friends. No matter how hard the days are don’t wish them away. I promise you will wish you were back in them sooner than later.
Don’t compare your life. You don’t need to be a Pinterest mom. You don’t need to take photos that are aesthetic only. Your life is real. It does not have to match what you see on social media.
Work on your marriage. It can be so hard to prioritize your partner post baby. Make that three and sometimes it feels like the last thing you could ever worry about. But caring about your person and the person you chose to do life with is so important. Make time for it, even when you don’t think you have any.
Never say never. This might sound dumb, or obvious, but before having kids there was a lot of things I thought I would never do. Trust me when I tell you, I’ve done a lot of them. iPad at dinner for a little peace and quiet, am I right?
What your body looks like matters so much less. Yes some days are hard. Sometimes you feel less cute than ever before. But what your body did for you to bring a baby(ies) into the world is beyond amazing. Be kind to her.
Invest in good pillows and nice sheets. Don’t ask me why this is relevant but it is. Do it.
You will find yourself again. If you feel lost in motherhood or you don’t recognize who you are anymore I promise you will find yourself again. It might not be easy. It might not be fast. But the you, or better yet, the new and improved you, will resurface and it will be amazing.
Happy birthday to my sweet angel girl. Thank you for being you Scottie. Wish me well, I might not be okay for a few days lol!
xo
