Baby Boy #2

Let me first start off by saying this story is (thankfully) much less traumatic than baby numero uno. That, for me, does not negate that having a baby, regardless of whether or not it is an emergency, is a seriously huge deal. Leading up to Watson’s birth I was very torn whether or not I would try for a VBAC or go with a scheduled c-section. I am sure my doctors can attest to the fact I was incredibly annoying going back and forth on this decision, quite frankly up until our last virtual appointment just days before. Oh yes virtual appointments because my second baby was born during a pandemic just to keep things interesting . . . Anyways . . . Planning for a natural birth is certainly what I always pictured, however there was a significant added risk from the damage done during my emergency c-section. This ultimately can cause complications if you are in labour and in a small percentage of situations result in yet another emergency. The thought of going into labour and then finding out something was wrong and having to have a c-section regardless ultimately led me to the final decision sticking with a scheduled one. A decision I am now grateful to have made because as it turns out my insides are incredibly damaged from Beau and I would not have been able to successfully have a natural birth because of it. This damage and scarring is not something you can see until you are in fact in surgery again so we made the right call. I digress. Birth story number two coming at you . . .

June 24th, 2020 -

I would like to state that when I finally decided on the scheduled c-section I thought how marvellous because this meant I would be able to select the birth date. Now here me out. Chris’ birthday is January 24th, Beau’s birthday is May 26th, my birthday is April 27th, so 24, 26, 27. Well how perfect would it be to add June 25th! Genius, I know. Turns out you only get a choice of the days they do scheduled c-sections, I know, can I not catch a break ???? I am kidding of course! To satisfy my OCD this would have been nice but it was not the case so June 24th it was and is the birth date of my squishy second baby boy.

Having such a traumatic first experience did certainly amplify the anxiety I felt around being pregnant a second time but to be honest I was mostly only concerned about getting past 34 weeks and when that happened I felt like nothing else could go wrong. Ignorance is bliss my friends and that just made me feel better, let me have it. Also we were and are living through a global pandemic so it was hard to tell what anxiety was focused where and in a weird way that helped? I know it makes no sense but it did. Ignore me, I am insane. Okay let’s get to the birth part.

My mom was at our house the night before as we had to leave at 4:30AM to be at the hospital for 5:30AM. I was very grateful to find out I had a 7AM surgery time as it meant we would meet our baby just that much sooner that day. Leaving that morning Beau was asleep in our bed and I just started sobbing. I knew he was going to feel so much bigger when we brought home his brother. I also felt like I was going to miss him too much (and I did). For a few moments I was filled with the fear of what if something happened? What if I didn’t come back? What if his brother didn’t come back? All of these things flooded my thoughts and honestly to this day the thought of something happening to me and not being able to kiss my babies makes me sob (aka writing this, I am crying). BUT I kissed him one last time and forced myself to get into the car. To this point I honestly still could not imagine loving another human as much as him. Like, would I have enough love for another baby, how the heck is that possible? Turns out it is and you do (phew!).

Having a baby during a global pandemic means no visitors but it also meant the hospital was quiet and only had necessary patients and staff and truly it was so calm and almost serene in there. It felt like we had the entire place to ourselves. The chaos that ensued during Beau’s birth was surrounded by panicked faces of family, friends, nurses, doctors, but this time was different. This time was peaceful and I was grateful for that. We sat in our room. I got an IV. I chatted with the nurses about what to expect. It all felt so routine. Time went by surprisingly quickly and to our delight everything was running as scheduled. I was wheeled to the room. Chris and I mask kissed goodbye as he would wait out in the hall while I was prepped for surgery and would come back in before the baby retrieval.

I sat calmly as the anesthesiologist cleaned and prepped by back and explained the process. It was slow and routine and all opposite of what I remembered, but still of course a little scary if I’m being honest. This time I felt instantly nauseated by the spinal which was a terrible feeling but thankfully the anesthesiologist corrected it and within a few seconds I felt totally fine. Chris was brought into the room. The room felt so different from the first time. There was only a few medical professionals in the room instead of 15+, what a treat. My doctor explained the entire process as we went. I could feel the pressure as she worked the baby out of my stomach, super weird I know, but the only way I can think to explain it is like that. The pressure was nowhere close to the intensity it had been with Beau. Beau was ripped out where Watty felt as though he was being carefully coaxed out, again a welcomed relief. We were told when he was about to come and the flood of emotions hit instantly. Waiting breathlessly to hear those first cries. The moment we did we both cried, but not with relief in the way we did for Beau but in happiness that we did it. Well I did (sorry Chris this one isn’t for you). I successfully carried to term a healthy baby boy. It felt so much less scary. We were just so happy to meet him. I was able to hold Watty and kiss him and smell him while my surgery was being finished up and it was my favourite thing to ever happen. With Beau I didn’t get those snuggles and this just felt magical. He was so chubby and squishy and sweet and he was ours. We had another baby boy and my heart was exploding already.

Chris and Watson were escorted to a recovery room together, another first for us, and I was told I would join them in just ten or fifteen minutes. I was in shock. I didn’t even know you got to just go right to your baby after a c-section. Beau and I were apart for hours. Everything about this day was so calm and opposite of our first experience and I couldn’t help but continually compare them. I was just so relieved. So relieved everything went according to plan. SO relieved I. would son be cuddling my baby boy. SO relieved he wouldn’t have to sleep in another part of the hospital from me. Just so relieved.

I was wheeled into the recovery room where Chris and Watty were snuggled up, skin to skin. It was the sweetest sight to see and I could not wait to cuddle my boy again. Chris placed him onto my chest and I remember tearing up instantly. He smelled so good. He was so chunky. There were no wires attached to him to help him breath. He was so healthy. He was perfection and he was all ours. The nurses came in and checked on us off and on for about an hour. Weighing the baby, checking his temperature, checking on my nausea (that was probably the worst part of the day was how nauseous I was from the meds all day). Within an hour we were brought back to our room TOGETHER. This little buddy was definitely not put down for the first 24 hours of his life. We were able to go home as soon as he pooped (he wanted to keep things a little interesting for us so he took a few extra hours to do so). There was nothing I wanted more than to leave the hospital and bring Watson home to his big brother Beau. In normal circumstances we would not have been released quite so quickly but because of the pandemic and us being comfortable leaving the doctors felt secure to send us on our way.

Having a baby during a pandemic has certainly come with its challenges. It has often felt lonely and even quite isolating at times. These babies are not getting any of the experiences as we would have hoped for them in their first year of life. They aren’t meeting new people. They aren’t even meeting people that we love in some cases and that can all feel heartbreaking. It was and is not easy some days but I do have to say we have been given this gift of time. Time to spend together as a family that we never ever could have dreamed of otherwise. I will forever cherish this time together as a family of four. Now do we think we should add just one more . . .

Maybe one day . . . soon . . . (fingers crossed lol).

Head over to the gram and tell me about your pandemic babies and how you have managed to turn this lonely journey into a baby snuggle fest to remember. Cheers to all you mamas!

xo

P.S. A massive chunk of this blog was somehow deleted and it was heartbreaking and I just did not have the capacity to try and fill in all the voids and extra witty banter and details again (or edit so I can imagine there is some glaring grammatical issues) but hopefully you still enjoyed this. Just note there was more details until they vanished. Technology is hard. Love ya, mean it, bye,.